OH NUTS! (Children's Literature for Adults)

 

OH! NUTS!

'Can't find a rhyme for acorn

I know it's just a nut

I'd like to write a poem

But just can't make the cut

I can't do much with almond

Except to make some paste

Attempts with Macadamia

Seem such a wretched waste

I can choose to use a cashew

A nut I think is hot

Perhaps I'll find a rhyme or two

But truly not a lot

    Rodney had a problem with acorns. He gathered them all spring, summer and fall, racing hither and yon, attmepting to hide his treasure and doing such a good job, he often lost the acorns completely. His obsession with acorns was so complete he nearly lost his life on several occasions as he spotted one across the street and darted out into traffic as he raced to get it. His friends staged an intervention and Rodney began going to AA (Acorns Anonymous). He began doing better, but, rather than entirely abstain from acorns, he began using substitutions. First he found hazel nuts. He moved his home in order to be close to where they were found. His geographic change helped initially, for there were no oak trees in the area where he found the Hazelnut trees. His downfall came when he was scurrying across a lawn and paused to look at a little human sitting on her back step. She threw something toward him. At first he jumped, but then got curious. Sniff! Sniff! A magic scent filled the air. He went closer to the object she had thrown. It had a shell like the acorns and the hazelnut, but the shell was softer. He bit it and it came away easily, revealing two football shapped nutmeats. He sat up on his haunches and watched the little human as he enjoyed the delicacy. Wonder of wonders! She threw another one at him! This time He didn't jump. He gathered the nut quickly and made short work of chewing through the shell. Rodney had discovered peanuts.

       Rodney formed a habit of visiting that area daily in case the little human was outside and felt like tossing food his way. On days when she wasn't there, he went closer to the steps and sniffed  the air, getting more familiar with the place. One day as he was doing so, the door opened and there she was. He ran off for a bit, but then approached her after she sat down. In time he formed the habit of running to the back step when he saw her there. One day his new friend came out the door and he ran up to her, but she didn't have a nut for him. Instead, she had something that smelled just like a nut, but was sticky and spread all over a crusty thing.  He bit into it thinking it was a shell of some sort, but, to his surprise, it wasn't. He ate the crusty thing and the sticky stuff and enjoyed them, even though the sticky stuff stuck to his teeth and the roof of his mouth. Peanut butter transported him to a new reality.  Another day she brought a new nut. It had a softer shell like the other one, but it was shaped differently and tasted a lot differently. Still it was a nut, and he enjoyed it.He became hooked on Almonds. It was then that his friends performed another intervention and Rodney wound up in NA(Nuts Anonymous).